


I stand

by dancey94



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Domestic, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-19 19:52:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7375198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancey94/pseuds/dancey94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Will glanced once again in the mirror and sighed. The scar on his right cheek was still very much visible and even his stubble, now being only a shadow on his face, would not cover it completely. He was marked for the rest of his life. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	I stand

**Author's Note:**

>   
> _I’ve played my heart_  
>  _When I played the part_  
>  _I’ve made mistakes_  
>  _With the monsters in my head_  
>  _But in the end_  
>  _You’re standing there_  
>  _You’re the one who always cares_  
>  _I am standing here_  
>  _Just because of you_  
>  _Every part of me is a part of you_  
>  Gabriela Gunčíková - I stand  
> 

Will glanced once again in the mirror and sighed. The scar on his right cheek was still very much visible and even his stubble, now being only a shadow on his face, would not cover it completely. He was marked for the rest of his life.

He buttoned the checked shirt he was wearing, trying not to focus on the scar on his stomach. Those scars, so many of them, reminded him of the past and every time he made a decision. There were no regrets, nothing that would make him feel sorry for what he had done, only the memories of his actions.

Graham rubbed his skin under his eyes and then his neck, trying to ease up the tension in his muscles. It didn’t really help.

He scratched behind his left ear and grimaced. It had been two weeks already since Hannibal gave him a haircut, yet he still hadn’t got used to his hair being so short and revealing his sticky out ears. He found them appalling despite his indifference to the way he looked.

Finally, he left the bathroom and the first thing in his sight was Hannibal carrying a tray to his bedroom. When Lecter spotted Will, he stopped and smiled at the man.

Hannibal had acted very accommodating and friendly, almost as if too polite to be honest about it. His calmness had often made Will leave the house and take long walks in order to adjust to his new reality. Will hoped that with time he would forget about his previous life and accept his act of rebirth.

The small of shampoo and soap apparently got to Hannibal’s nostrils because he smiled even wider and closed his eyes for a second in order to appreciate the fresh smell of Will’s body.

They had spent the day chopping wood and walking through the forest. Will felt a pang of loneliness and emptiness when he saw a young deer. He wanted to tame it, to take the animal with them back home. Yet, at the same time, he wanted the deer to be free, away from civilization and suffering.

It was only hours later when he realised that was also what he wished for himself and for Hannibal.

Lecter approached him, seemingly afraid not to startle Will. The doctor knew Will was a man, not an animal to be tamed, but he put some effort in adjusting to their new life together. There were issues they had not yet broached, and promises yet to be made, but all of that could wait.

The embrace on the cliff made Hannibal certain Will loved him. It was a glorious moment of enlightenment and confession, as Will finally admitted he accepted Hannibal and he let himself reveal his true nature. It had been everything he could have asked for and more.

Three weeks later, however, Hannibal was still overwhelmed and to the level where he was scared it was all only a dream, a fantasy he managed to hold onto but one that would never come true.

At the moment, Will was staring at Hannibal, somewhat confused and apologetic.

Lecter took a step forward and reached out shyly. He wanted to caress Will’s cheek, feel every stitch and the soft tissue shaped in a straight line. Hannibal wanted to feel it with his lips, wanted to cherish it and learn it by heart. His eyes must have betrayed his appreciation for the scar, as Will looked away, apparently embarrassed and slightly ashamed, and spoke.

“I’m sorry. I can’t.”

Hannibal nodded and moved to make room for Will to pass.

“I understand.” Lecter said as Will disappeared in his bedroom.

* * *

The night was cold. Will was lying in his bed and staring at the ceiling. That was not a position he would fall asleep in but he had no intention to do so. When the clock on the nightstand read two in the morning, Graham got up, buried his feet in a pair of fluffy slippers, and left his bedroom.

The narrow corridor was engulfed in darkness, the only source of light being the stars that promised a sunny day.

Will stopped after a few steps and leant against the wall in front of the door to Hannibal’s bedroom. There was a storm in his head, a ton of doubts and fears disguised as a stomach sickness. However disgusting the thought was, he wanted to puke and hoped he would feel clearer afterwards. He needed alcohol, he needed one evening deprived of softness and domesticity. Will promised himself he would do everything he could to feel like himself the next day.

After another few minutes, Will pulled on the doorknob and pushed the door slowly, trying to make as little noise as he possibly could. The slippers on his feet enabled him to almost slide on the floor, instead of lifting his feet. He dragged himself to the chair next to Hannibal’s bed and settled in it.

Lecter was soundly asleep, unaware of his surroundings. He looked so peaceful and innocent, Will was certain no one would ever suspect him of the great number of murders he had committed. There was a man in the bed, a simple man, who, despite all his sense of sophistication and appreciation for higher values, had to indulge in plain human activities. Hannibal had to sleep, had to eat and piss.

Will watched the blanket on Lecter’s chest rise and fall as the man breathed. _That_ was the calmness and the sense of safety Will was in need of. That view aroused the feeling of hope and love in Will. Suddenly, he felt at home. He felt wanted and admired. There was a future awaiting him the next day, the next week, the next year.

Graham leant in the chair comfortably and heard his own voice.

_‘Sometimes at night I leave the lights on in my little house. And walk across the flat fields. When I look back from a distance, the house is like a boat on the sea. It's really the only time I feel safe.’_

The voice became quieter and quieter, until there was only silence in Will’s head and his eyes shut as he fell asleep.

* * *

 

Will grunted as he woke up, more tired than sated and aching in every bone. Sleeping in a chair had not been a good idea. What was even worse – Hannibal had been gone so he must have seen Will in his bedroom as he had woken up. What was more, Lecter had covered Will with a blanket. That was probably the reason why he slept all through the cold night.

Will folded the blanket and left it on the bed. He walked to the kitchen but Hannibal was not there anymore. He had left a few pancakes for Will, though.

Graham ate one and then felt his stomach clench. There was no reason why he should be embarrassed or ashamed. He had spent the night in Hannibal’s room – so what? Nothing happened. And it wasn’t like they had to hide their feelings for each other.

Hannibal was absent till noon. He returned with a dead hare on his shoulder and some berries in a basket. Will felt his heart swell when he saw the other man dressed in plaid comfy clothes and do things Will had never imagined him do.

They did not talk about the previous night. Hannibal presented his plan for dinner and indulged Will with a story from his childhood.

It wasn’t until early evening when Will decided to act on his own promise.

He searched the cabinets for a bottle of whiskey and two glasses, just in case. Hannibal went to have a bath, which enabled Will to enjoy two quick drinks all by himself. The acrid liquid made Will’s throat burn and then spread through his whole body via his veins.

When Hannibal appeared in the room, he pointed at the empty glass and asked if he could join.

“Be my guest.” Will answered and poured him and Hannibal a glass.

The silence was nothing new or bothering any of the men. As he was drinking, Hannibal recalled all the evenings even before his incarceration when they’d had dinner. It seemed funny to Lecter that his life changed completely in almost every aspect, while Will found their seclusion as natural as breathing.

“How do you feel?” Hannibal heard himself ask before he could think better of it; the question was dwelling on him and torturing him, and he would not rest until he knew what was still drilling holes inside Will’s mind.

“Horny.” Will answered with only a shadow of laughter. His honesty made him wince when he realised how desperate he must have sounded.

“I should leave you, then.” Hannibal concluded and was ready to leave the room, when Will spoke again.

“I’m not going to act on it. The feeling will pass. It’s mostly the alcohol.”

 _Mostly_ , Will heard the word ring in his ears as he uttered it. Not _only_ , mostly.

“Maybe you should act on it, relieve the tension. But you’re a grown man. You don’t need me to tell you what to do.” Hannibal concluded and left the room for real.

For the next few minutes Will considered jerking off right where he was. The vision, once despised and inconceivable, now made Will harder in his pants. To his mind, the act would be both a torture and a gift for Hannibal, who was probably still awake in his room, waiting for denouement.

Will took his empty glass, poured himself a drink and gulped it quickly. That was the moment when the silence became unbearable.

He knew that whatever he wanted to do at that moment, and whatever he would actually do, was partly caused by the alcohol. But only partly.

As he was walking along the corridor, Will could see the light on in Hannibal’s bedroom – exactly what he suspected. Graham did not bother to make excuses or apologise for his invasion. He simply entered the room and lay down on the bed, next to Hannibal, who had a book in hand.

“Read to me, till I fall asleep.” Will ordered and closed his eyes.

The bed was soft and warm, indicating someone else’s presence there.

Hannibal kept reading, his voice somewhat hoarse but soothing. The sentences were in English but Will didn’t care at that point, he just wanted Lecter’s voice to take him to dreamland.

* * *

 

Will woke up surprisingly rested. He was lying in Hannibal’s bed, covered with a blanket, and next to him was the man Will loved. It wasn’t a sudden realization – Will had known that for some time. It was only a thought in his mind that made him smile and want to welcome the day with great enthusiasm.

Hannibal was still asleep with his back turned towards Will, so the man could not see his face.

Will felt like for the first time in his life he did not want to push a person away. He nuzzled the pillow under his head and reached out to touch Hannibal’s shoulder but at the last possible moment he stopped. Waking Hannibal was not his intention. Will liked watching and feeling Hannibal sleep.

The next few minutes Will spent on examining how Lecter’s body shifted while he was breathing and planning what they would do that day. It struck him that he was still in Hannibal’s bed, not willing to run away and pretend nothing happened.

With a long sigh, Hannibal woke up. He must have been contemplating on something because it took him a moment before he turned, finding Will already awake.

Silence. The men were looking into each other’s eyes, trying to communicate without unnecessary words.

“What do you feel when you watch me sleep? Do you feel powerful? Do you see me as vulnerable?” Hannibal asked.

“That, too.” Will admitted. For a second he broke eye contact, but when he returned his gaze, he focused on the softness in Hannibal’s features. “I just feel more confident. Safe. When you…”

“When I’m unconscious?” Hannibal prompted.

“When you’re in no position to object.”

“I could object now.”

“But you won’t.”

“No, I won’t.” Hannibal admitted. He reached out and stroked Will’s cheek, the one without the scar. The stubble there irritated Hannibal’s fingertips but he didn’t mind. “So you only feel safe when I’m asleep?”

“I feel…at peace.”

“Do you feel threatened when I’m awake?”

“I feel betrayed.” Will replied, making Hannibal frown. “I fear- feared that I would lose myself in you. I feared that I found myself in this situation out of obligation rather than real affection, that it was some sort of repayment.”

Will purposefully used past tense, knowing Hannibal would take the bait.

“But that’s no longer the case?”

“No. Now, I’m certain.” Graham said, leaving the meaning dubious. Then, he covered Hannibal’s palm with his own and continued. “Now, I’m truly myself. I know that what I feel is real and honest. There’s no doubt about it.”

Will smiled shyly but then his lips curved in a grin. He could not believe how terribly lost he was.

“I love you.” He uttered and rubbed Hannibal’s hand on his cheek.

“Was it good to finally admit it?”

“I feel like I shed my skin.”

“And now we’re equal.”

“Do you…” Will shook his head and snuggled closer to Hannibal. He buried his face in the crook of the other man’s neck.

“You already know I love you. Just as I’ve always known.” Hannibal confessed and embraced Will tightly. They both seemed to go through the few times they’d shared a hug like this. “Will you let me guide you?”

“Only if you allow me as much freedom as I need.” Will replied and lifted his head slightly, enough to be able to see Hannibal’s lips. He leant closer and then suddenly sighed, pulling away. “I must have terrible morning breath, given all the whiskey from yesterday.”

“I’ve had some, too. I don’t mind.”

Hannibal moved one hand to clutch at Will’s short hair, to keep him in place and not let him go. Will licked his lips and wondered whether he should pretend he was kissing a woman or if he should think about something else. Eventually, he let Hannibal kiss him and closed his eyes when their lips touched. It was gentle, slow, just a press of lips against lips.

Will felt as Hannibal breathed through his nose and the stream of air tickled Will.

Soon, the lips were gone and Will opened his eyes as he pulled away. He discovered Hannibal still kept his eyes closed, trying to sustain the taste and the feeling. The man was cherishing the moment.

Then, Hannibal smiled and looked at Will with wide amber eyes.

“Somehow, I find it a more intense experience than if we had brushed our teeth beforehand.”

“Let’s find out the difference.” Will suggested and sat up, ready to leave the bed.


End file.
